Lately you’ve seen me incorporate musical instruments into my life, + I want to make it clear – I have no desire to become a musician. Heck! I don’t even want to be a “Master Painter” (lol!); that’s not why I paint. I DO believe I’ve be called to live an organized life around “Sacred Healing Arts”, which is what you see through my feed. Spirit is leading me into doing other forms of healing work hence the instruments, crystals, sage, etc. I call them: My Tools. I’m gravitating back to a simpler, natural way of being + these ancient tools are assisting in that process. They support my spiritual growth + development, awareness of self + inner therapy. Let’s take the flat drum here (shown in the image above), it helps restore me. I use it to balance out my chakras, the sacral chakra to be exact. The 2nd energy ctr. manifests creation; it’s the creative gateway of one’s soul. It’s divine.
To get a bit more personal, if you’re part of my inner cipher then you already know this, but my last romantic relationship ended (transformed) nearly a year ago, + I’ve abstinent ever since. I haven’t dated or anything. Prior to that relationship, I practiced abstinence for two years. My peeps love + care about me but not all fully understand my choice. That’s ok because it’s mine. They do honor it though, + that’s enough. I’m a feeling being, not an empath, but I feel energy to a higher degree for sure. So I just haven’t felt ready. I’m actually grateful for that awareness, even when I couldn’t always understand it myself (I’m such a lover if you couldn’t tell by my artwork). The last retrograde proved that choice proper. By the tail end of it, I was steeped in feelings of my past relationship, the heartbreak around it + the wounds that have yet to heal as a result of it. It hurt too! (I'm sure she hurts her too + send love her way often.)
Naturally, when not in this planetary period I’m better able celebrate the beauty of what was shared between us, AND that’s the whole purpose of retrograde – to peel back + reveal the lingering wounds (some pre-dating my last love experience)! I’m grateful for learning they’re there, asking to be loved. That’s o.k., so cool with that! What I’m not o.k. with is reaching to another person (consciously or unconsciously) before taking care of myself, by myself. There’s karma around everything, including that choice. I believe I have a responsibility to get the lesson of it all + about “me” before I can invite another life intimately into my world. That’s not reaching for perfection, or creating a barrier to keep love out, those behaviors are sabotage - not what I’m talking about here. I mean carrying “wounded energy” into some “shiny, new” relationship – expecting a different outcome. I feel restorative work is always going to needed in this life, + I also feel people are intended to assist in that process, which is why we need to be in healthy relationship(s) that are loving, gentle, harmonious + peaceful. However, we can do that in a super conscious way + not make the other person responsible for “our” work by way of manipulation, expectation + projection. Trust me I’ve done that in the past, it doesn’t turn out well. I no longer behave in that way. I’m certain the human aspects of me are bound to slip into old patterns, just not nearly as often + I’m willing to call myself out on my shit when I do; plus be committed to fixing any damage (in relating) my action(s) have created (my definition of True, Conscious Maturity).
So while all this is happening, I must address my sacral chakra. By nature it wants to create (amplified by stored up libido), + when it can’t imbalance sets in causing disease to manifest in the physical. Notice the placement of the drum - that’s no accident. When the deep bass-like earthy grounding tone called “doum” is played a vibrational sound current is transmitted from not only the front of the drum to the listener, but ALSO from the back of the drum onto the player (my body). The frequency dissolves the imbalance around my 2nd chakra, allowing the energy to flow up my spine instead of being stagnant + stuck. It keeps me grounded. This practice makes for a less sexually intense; a more even keeled me, as if the act of lovemaking is a part of my current experience when it’s not.
My mom, who means absolutely no harm, jokes about me “not getting any younger”, and on some levels that’s true. I’m also growing wiser so I don’t subscribe to that story any longer. I’d rather hold myself sacred; focus on doing the work around the heartbreak, for as long as it takes, than to accept some diluted version of “love” (carnal-based w/ no substance). I believe I deserve better than that because I’m capable of deep love, and all that it comes with. So I’m unwilling to settle for less. I love hard – so it make sense that repair would take longer. That’s duality of life.
This is a beautiful opportunity for me to expand, to walk into a mystical realm built on ancient systems, ritual + practices. I’m embracing it like a wonder-struck child! How can we serve as partners in the healing of others, + the world, if we don’t know how (through spiritual practice) to do it for ourselves? The life vision I hold for myself – in mind’s eye - is one based on personal power + includes travel w/ paintings + other spiritual tools. I pray our healing paths cross + we can support one another in love.
Thanks for reading this lengthy, personal post. I’m grateful for the conscious, compassionate energy around it + for the discernment to realize I’m not advertising my singlehood or availability (it’s pretty clear I’m not available). I'm not seeking any forms validation or judgments towards anyone who is living their live differently than me. I’m simply sharing my truth + how I’m managing it at this present moment.
If you’re in a similar situation, I love to hear how you are taking care of yourself during this special time. May you be encouraged to use this time to turn into yourself – I bet you’ll LOVE what you find.
God bless ~